Homebound & Perfectly Content

The past month has been somewhat of a sluggish memory. Massive hormonal changes and the resultant fatigue aside, I think I have just simply been a couch/bed potato. With no real income-generating work bearing down on me, I have been largely left to my self-motivating devices to fill my days. And as you can tell, I haven't been doing very much. Even writing this blog faithfully has been a struggle. My baby journal has also been left neglected on my dining table.

Now that I am out of my first trimester, fatigue has largely worn off as has the nausea. So really, I ought to be bouncing around a lot more doing what I ought to be doing to make good use of my alone time like housework ( see my grimace), working on my writing ideas, reading, praying...the list of productive things I could be doing goes on. For a while, my state of workless-ness started to bug me and I felt a little useless. That kind of changed yesterday.

Yesterday, I went to Tampines Regional Library and decided to pick up books on infant development. I found one titled 'Growing Babies -Should under-3s go to nursery?'. Written based on research from UK, US and Europe, the book presents a strong case for why nursery care should be limited, and ideally, children to not be subjected to it. The best care an under-3 could receive would be from her parent. I'm halfway through the book now. What struck me as I started reading the book was this wave of encouragement and thankfulness that I am amongst the privileged few Asian women who would be able to be a stay-home mum with the full support of the husband. I am also so thankful for Roy who doesn't pressure me to go get work and is willing to bear the responsibility of being the family's sole breadwinner.

The book also reminded me of a conviction I had developed in my mid-20s toward parenting and mothering - that there is indeed no greater responsibility, no greater challenge than raising my own children well. I had forgotten that I had always said that I would want to stay home to raise my own children for at least the first 5 years of their lives. And here was the opportunity to do just that. God remembered my heart's desire when I had forgotten.

Of course, I am well aware that the life of a stay-home mum is not going to be a rose-dressed one with every day going to be perfect. I am one who has struggled over the years to learn to detach my sense of self-worth from my work. I get a huge sense of satisfaction from being involved in meaningful projects. I love to work. Now, however, I have to redefine my priorities. To do so, I have to begin revisiting and reviewing my personal beliefs and values about parenting.

I realise that to be a happy stay-home mum, and to be able to raise a healthy and happy child, I have to work through my own issues with not earning an independent income constantly. I am aware that there will be times that I will have to choose between my wants and my child's needs. There will always be choices to be made. But as a stay-home mother-to-be/mother, the web of consequences to the choices have become more complex. I have no doubt that there will be times that I have to struggle with making sacrifices on my end so that my child will have access to better care.

As the book puts it, there is no such thing as 'child-free parenting'. Married couples make a decision to have children and that should mean that children should become a priority. Changes have to be made to the couple's lifestyles when children enter the marriage. That doesn't mean that the marriage and family will be dictated by the children's needs but it most certainly does mean that their needs need to be considered by parents.